Charlotte
by storylover18
Summary: This is a story I made up myself...not really fanfiction but I thought I'd throw it out here. Based on a 17 year old girl in 1914 and her feelings as the war continues on the other side of the world. Reviews appreciated! Thanks and enjoy!
1. Author's Note

Authors Note:

So this is for all you World War 1 lovers. It's a story that's been going on in my mind for a long time and it's based on my feelings and thoughts towards people. The main character, Charlotte, is me and Jamie is a close friend. All of the information in the story is historically accurate and I've done extensive research. I would love to know what you think!


	2. November 18, 1914

November 18, 1914

Dear Diary,

Today is my seventeenth birthday. Mom and Dad gave me another journal to fill with what they call pages of trivia. They don't understand about keeping a journal. The way I see it, keeping a journal is putting my story down on paper. Dad calls it a waste of time and would rather I read my Bible at night and Mom doesn't say that she thinks it's a waste of time but I know she thinks it useless. But that's the way Mom is, she doesn't say anything that would hurt anyone. It's the one trait that I didn't get from her that I really wish I had. My mouth tends to get me into trouble a lot and I always spent a lot of recesses indoors because of it.

Starting a new journal is like writing a sequel to the previous ones. I feel it is only right to introduce the active characters. First of all, there's me, of course. My name is Charlotte Anne Matthews. I'm taller than I'd like to be and have a mane of chestnut curls. I don't understand how everyone wants them except me. I always tell people they're good to look at but a pain to comb. I have green eyes and Jamie says they sparkle when I smile. I finished my schooling last June, along with my best friends Sara Perkinson, Grace Smitterson, Nick Edwards and Jamie Forest, and work in the doctor's office as an administrative assistant. Sara, Grace and I have been best friends for almost all our lives. We've done almost everything together-quilting, schoolwork, our Bible lessons, and so on. James Quint Forest, whom we call Jamie, is my best friend who is a boy. He's asked Dad about dating me but Dad won't permit it. Jamie comes from a bit of messed up family as Dad calls it.

Jamie's Dad was killed when Jamie was four because he had gotten drunk one night and shot himself. He was a heavy alcoholic. Jamie's mother is a quiet woman who works hard to support herself and Jamie. Jamie and his mom don't come to church that often because Mrs. Forest usually works on Sunday. That's the main reason why Dad won't let me date Jamie.

Despite what Dad has said about dating Jamie, we have snuck off a couple of times, with the help of Sara, Grace, and Nick. We would go out as a group but as soon as we were in town we would split up and then get together again later on. Jamie is a great boy and I wish I could date him with Dad's permission. I don't like going behind his back but I won't stereotype Jamie like he does. Jamie is very handsome, with sand-colored hair and blue eyes. He's very nice and considerate and he treats me the way a gentlemen should treat a woman. Jamie loves animals and works at a farm as a stable hand about half a mile out of town. Mom likes Jamie and has tea with Mrs. Forest a few times a month. She doesn't say anything to Dad about how nice Jamie is, although she doesn't agree with him on his views of the Forest family.

My family is quite typical-a Dad, Mom, and three children. My dad is the Reverend at our local church. He takes his work very seriously and hardly ever smiles. He wants what's best for his children and goes to great lengths to ensure they're raised properly and according the Word. My mom is a beautiful woman who looks half her age. She is very quiet and won't say anything to hurt anyone. Mom has stayed home all her life, cooking and cleaning and playing with my sisters and me. I have two sisters, Abby and Elizabeth. Abby is twenty-one and is married to Steven Patters. Together they have a beautiful baby girl named Beth. Abby knows about Jamie and me. She doesn't tell Dad or Mom but she understands the dilemma that I'm in. Abby and I are alike in almost every way. We look almost identical and we both have big mouths that tend to get us in trouble. Elizabeth is younger than me, by five years. Although I'm past the age of name calling, she's a goody-goody. She does everything to please people and thrives on the praise she receives. Elizabeth and I tend to fight a lot over little things. This irritates our parents to no end but they usually just step out of the way and let us work it out for ourselves. Elizabeth looks more like Dad, with her blonde hair and brown eyes and follows his traits of being an over achiever. She doesn't know about Jamie and I and I plan to keep it that way because if she ever finds out, then I'm dead meat. She'd go running to Dad the minute she knew.

We all live in a small town outside of Mississauga, Ontario. My family lives next to the church and Abby lives down the road from us. Our town doesn't have much more than a couple of grocery stores, a pharmacy, a doctor's office, a post office, and a small restaurant. We're in the country so there are some dairy and horse farms. I've lived here all my life and I don't think I'd have it any other way.

For my birthday, Mom and Dad gave me the journal and a gold cross that hangs on a delicate chain. All of my friends got together and gave me a leather bound copy of my favourite book, Little Women. Last night, Jamie and I went out with our group of friends. We went off together as soon as my house was out of sight and went to the park near the edge of the town. The two of us sat down on some swings.

"So." Jamie said.

"So." I replied. This was a common way for us to start off.

"How's work going?" Jamie asked.

"It's boring, as always." I replied and Jamie laughed.

"Well, it is!" I protested through my own laughter. "Every day is the same thing. Name, date of birth, address, and it just drones on and on and on."

"Well, at least you're inside where it's nice and warm."

"I suppose, but I'm also surrounded by sick old men and moms with babies that won't stop screaming. How's the mare doing?" I asked.

"Fine. She should deliver her foal any day now."

"That's so exciting."

"Yeah, it is. Someone is going to call when she goes into labor and I have to go, no matter what time it is. Charlotte, has your dad found out about us yet?"

"Not that I know of. Why? Are you worried?"

"I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Don't worry about me, Jamie. He won't find out."

"You sound so sure. Anything new in church?"

"Not really. Mrs. Mackinson had her baby."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

"That's swell. I'm sure what's her name will be happy about having a brother."

"Lilly. And yeah, she's really happy. Sara, Grace and I are making a quilt for the baby."

"That's nice of you."

"It's a lot of work but I think it'll look really good when it's done."

"I'm sure it will. Your stuff always looks good Char."

"Thanks. Betcha I can beat you to that tree over there."

I stood up and took off running before Jamie had answered. I heard him stand up and before I knew it he was next to me. He looked over at me and smiled and then pushed past me. I veered off to a different tree and when I reached it I turned and saw Jamie standing at the other tree, trying to catch his breath.

"I meant this one!" I called laughing. Jamie started to protest but then smiled. He started running towards me and I took off running away from him. Jamie quickly caught me and the two of us fell down on the grass. We lay on the snow, panting and staring at the stars, oblivious to the cold. We lay there for over ten minutes, not saying anything, but just being together.

"We should probably join the rest of the group again, Char."

"Yeah, we should."

Jamie got up and then helped me up. I shook out my hair and put it back into a ponytail. Jamie watched me and smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. Shall we?"

"We shall." And the two of us walked back to our meeting place with the others.

Jamie is such a sweet guy. I've known him all my life and we've always been friends. Because we've always been friends, every time someone asks me about who I want to marry I always think of Jamie, although I never say so. Besides the fact that Dad doesn't like him, there's something stopping me from saying so. I think about Jamie and our friendship and then I think about forever. Forever is a long time and is he really the one I want to spend it with? Share my secrets and fears with? The simple answer to these questions is yes but I don't want to rush anything.

The war in Europe is really picking up speed, as the newspapers say. On October 14 our first troops arrived in Britain. The allied troops are making plans to attack Germany. All the men over eighteen are encouraged to enlist to fight and all the women are encouraged to sign up as nurses. Jamie will be eighteen in two months and I'm scared that he may decide to enlist. Jamie loves his country and I'm sure he would go and fight but so far he hasn't said anything about it. Steven has already enlisted and is at Valcartier for training. Abby is so scared that he may get killed and is fearful that Beth may never know her father. I have similar fears; like that I may not get to know any other boys from this town before the impacts of war affect them, Lord willing they should live through it. Abby said that she wishes she could go over as a nurse but she won't leave Beth for fear that she may grow up without any parents at all. I pray everyday that the war will be over by the time I'm eighteen because I don't want to go over as a nurse but chances are I won't have much choice. If I don't go, I will be pegged as one who doesn't love her country.

It is now past eleven o'clock so I am going to bed.

Charlotte


	3. December 12, 1914

December 12, 1914

Dear Diary,

So much has happened since I last wrote, which was on my birthday. The biggest news is that there was a huge snowstorm last week. Our town got over thirty inches of snow! The day after the blizzard hit Jamie, Nick, Sara, Grace and I went ice skating on the pond behind Sara's house.

Jamie and Nick were there long before Sara, Grace and I made it to the pond. This is because the boys will just run through the snow and not care about how wet their pants get. We girls, however, stepped gingerly into previous tracks, being careful not to get the hems of our skirts wet. We didn't even bother not to get our tights wet because the minute we stepped into the winter wonderland, our feet were soaked.

By the time we had reached the pond, the boys had their skates on and were clearing off the pond with shovels. Sara, Grace, and I sat down on the bench and began to lace up our skates.

"If there's nothing I hate more about being a girl, it's cold legs in the wintertime." Grace complained, struggling with her laces.

"At least we don't have to shovel the pond off." Sara pointed out. "By the time we've got our skates on, the boys will already have done it."

Sara and Grace were still attempting to do up their skates but I was already done. I've gone skating a lot more than they have and I know how to do it properly. They've only gone maybe twice a winter.

"You want some help?" I finally asked them.

"Yes please." Grace said but Sara was resolved to getting her own skates done up. I knelt down in the snow and did up Grace's skates and then pulled her up with me. The three of us stepped onto the ice. Almost immediately, Sara and Grace began to slip. I was still standing but they were pulling at me from different sides so I was being pulled in half.

"Jamie! Nick! Someone help!" I yelled, before I ended up falling, causing Sara and Grace to go down all the way. The boys, who were now skating in circles on the pond, skated over. Nick stopped himself and sent a shower of ice over the three of us but Jamie stopped a ways away and slowly made his way towards us so that he wouldn't get us wet.

"Nick." Grace complained.

"Sorry." Nick put his hand out and helped Grace to her feet and then started to skate backwards, holding onto her hands and guiding her like Abby guides Beth when she's learning to walk. Jamie pulled me to my feet and then Sara.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem. You want some help Sara?" he asked.

"No thanks. I think I can do it. It's just been so long since I was on skates."

"Okay. Call if you need help."

Jamie then offered his hand to me and I smiled and then took hold of it. We skated around the pond a couple of times and then split. I went to Grace because Nick had lost his patience with her and had left her to skate on her own. I reached her just as she went down onto her bottom.

"Need a hand?"

"Yes please. How are you so good at this Char?"

I shrugged and then pulled her up.

"Don't know."

I offered her my elbow and with arms linked, we managed to make it around the pond twice before she fell again. I pulled her up and then offered her my elbow again.

"No thanks Charlotte. I'm going to take a rest."

"Okay."

I left Grace sitting on the bench and went to Nick and Jamie, who were playing a game of hockey. I picked up a stick lying on the shore of the pond and skated towards them.

"Okay if I join?"

"Sure." Nick said and passed me the puck. I passed it to Jamie and so on and so on. We lost track of time and when we looked up again we saw Sara and Grace had gone inside.

We decided we had had enough of hockey so we put the sticks away and then went inside. We found Sara and Grace playing a game of cards.

"It's about time!" Grace said. "You've been out there for over two hours."

"You still got all your toes?" Sara asked.

"Oh sure. It was fun." I said, sitting down at the table.

"How long have you ladies been inside?" Jamie asked. He always calls us ladies and we love it.

"For about an hour. Anyone for hot chocolate and cookies?" Sara asked. Of course we were all starving so Sara made a pot of hot chocolate and brought a plate of cookies to the table. We ate the cookies quickly and then played a game of euchre, having Grace and Sara as a pair. Jamie and I beat Nick and the other girls by a landslide.

"Well, I'd better get going." Nick said after our game.

"Yeah, me too." I said getting up.

Nick and I walked through town and then we split up when we reached the cross roads.

"See you Nick!" I called.

"Bye Charlotte."

I walked the rest of the way singing some song I had heard earlier in the day. I decided to stop off at Abby's before going home. I knocked and then waited. She greeted me with a hug when she opened the door.

"Char! How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?" I asked, stepping into the warmth of her house.

"I'm okay. What have you been doing? You're soaking wet!"

"We were skating."

"Oh. Would you like something?"

"No thanks. I just had hot chocolate and cookies at Sara's. I need to be able to eat dinner otherwise Mom will be all over me."

Abby rolled her eyes and smiled. We went into the living room and sat down. Beth was playing on the floor and crawled up to me when I sat. I picked her up.

"I got a letter from Steven." Abby said.

"Oh yeah? What'd he say?"

"He said that Valcartier is one of the most organized places in the world and that they sure know how to do two things."

"What's that?"

"Scare a man and work a man."

"What?"

"He explained what they do to you there. You have continuous training and they work you hard. He said they've had midnight surprise attacks and they have so much time to be ready. So far, eight men have either passed out or been kicked out because they can't do anything."

"Wow."

"It's almost six o'clock Charlotte. You'd better be getting home."

"You're right. Bye-bye Beth."

In response, I got baby talk. I handed her to Abby and then got my coat and boots on.

"Bye Abby!"

"See you Char. Give everyone a hug."

"Do I have to hug Elizabeth?" I asked.

"Yes." Abby said, laughing. "See you."

"Bye."

I walked home and let myself in.

"Charlotte? Is that you?" Mom called from the kitchen.

"Yes, it's me." I went in and gave her the hug from Abby. I went to Dad's study and gave him the hug and then I found Elizabeth and gave her a hug too.

Charlotte


	4. December 25, 1914

December 25, 1914

Dear Diary,

It's Christmas. I think Christmas is my favorite holiday because everyone is so happy and jolly. Our house is decorated with the nativity scene and our beloved Christmas tree. We cut down a live tree but it's covered in our favorite old decorations and tinsel. We held our Christmas service last night at eleven o'clock. I love seeing all the kids in their pajamas, holding their blankets and teddy bears and the way their eyes light up when their parents wake them up at the end of the service and tell them its Christmas morning. Our family took up a whole pew last night because Abby and Beth joined us but so did Jamie and Mrs. Forest. The service itself was so beautiful, with many songs about our Saviour's birth. My favorite Christmas song has always been _O Come, All Ye Faithful_. Mom told me that when I was younger, I would sing it at the top of my lungs in the middle of the store on the hottest days of July. I imagine that must've been quite a sight!

Abby and Beth spent the night last night and this morning, after a breakfast of pancakes and eggs, we opened our gifts. Our family always picks names and this year I had gotten Elizabeth, of all people. Since I knew she needed a new notebook and some pens and such, I got her a couple of beautifully bound notebooks and monogrammed pens. In her stocking, I put a new pair of silk stockings. She always used mine and although she never hurt them, I wanted her to not have to use mine. She was thrilled with her gifts. Mom had my name and she gave me a new pattern for my embroidery and a new skirt.

Mom had invited Mrs. Forest and Jamie over for dinner, much to Dad's dismay. It seemed like he hadn't even noticed that they were in church the night before but I know he had. He shook both of their hands as we had exited. Sometimes I just don't understand how Dad can preach to love everyone but then disapprove so greatly about Jamie and his Mom. It's not their fault that Mr. Forest had killed himself and he doesn't even know how well Mrs. Forest has done in raising her son and providing for them. But because it's Christmas, I didn't say anything.

It was my turn to help Mom with the dinner this year. For as long as I can remember, Dad, Abby, Steven (when he joined our family), Elizabeth, and I have taken turns helping Mom cook the dinner. No one protests having to help out because it's such great fun! I put on the apron reserved for the helper and I went to work. Mom and I peeled potatoes, and chopped veggies, and made dough. I had just stuck my hand into the raw turkey when Jamie and Mrs. Forest arrived.

"You keep going, Chary. I'm just going to talk to Rebecca for a moment."

Mom left the kitchen and I kept digging around inside the turkey to pull out any strings of fat that had been overlooked.

"Exploring one of your own kind?" Jamie asked, coming into the kitchen. I jumped and turned around.

"No!" I cried, indignant and laughing. Jamie was laughing too.

"Merry Christmas Char."

"Merry Christmas. Want to help?" I asked, hoping Mom wouldn't mind.

"Sure. What do you want me to do?"

"Well, first of all, wash your hands."

Jamie washed his hands while I finished emptying the turkey.

"Now what?"

"You can mix all the veggies together in a bowl and then add the stuff from the other bowl." I said, pointing to the piles of onion, celery, and carrots. Jamie did so and I gave the turkey one last rinse out. Then I set him in the pan and turned him so his rear was facing me.

"Okay. Now that it's all mixed, we can stuff him."

"You mean I have to put my hand inside a raw turkey?"

"That's right. Unless you're too chicken." I said, teasing him.

"No, I'm more turkey." Jamie said taking a handful of stuffing and shoving it into the turkey. I laughed and then took a handful myself. We kept on laughing so long that Mom stuck her head in and made sure we were okay. I caught her eye and she smiled and nodded at me and I knew she wasn't mad at me for asking Jamie to help.

When Jamie and I had stuffed the turkey, I pulled out a needle and thread.

"Charlotte, I don't think that this is the right time for your embroidery." Jamie said.

"I have to sew him up." I said and Jamie watched with fascination as I sewed closed the hole that used to be his neck and then his rear. I put the legs through the piece of skin that was stretched down.

"There. All done." I said, washing my hands.

"Now what?" Jamie asked.

"We need to season the veggies and put the dough on cookie sheets." I said.

"What do you want me to do?"

"You can make balls of dough and put them on the cookie sheet." I showed Jamie how to do so and then went and added all the spices to the pot of carrots and peas.

"Char? Am I doing this right?" Jamie asked a few moments later. I walked over and looked at the balls of dough.

"Yep."

"But then how come when they come out of the oven they're not like this? They're not balls of bread."

"When you're done rolling them, we have to flatten them gently with our hands." I showed him.

"Oh, I get it." Jamie said, laughing. I looked at his smiling face and saw he was looking back at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You've got a little flour on your nose." Jamie said, reaching up and touching my nose with his flour covered hands.

"Hey!" I cried, laughing. Jamie laughed too and then took the cloth and wiped away the flour. Of course, Mom and Mrs. Forest came in just as Jamie had placed the cloth on my face. We both turned to our mothers and I'm pretty sure we both turned beet red. I know I did.

"Um, we, uh…" Jamie started and then trailed off.

"The turkey's done." I blurted out suddenly. "And so are the veggies and the bread is just about done too."

Mom looked at me and then went over to inspect the turkey. Mrs. Forest was still looking at Jamie, and I could almost see the questions forming in her eyes.

"Very good Charlotte. You did a great job on the turkey." Mom said from the other side of the room.

Mrs. Forest looked away from Jamie finally and turned to the turkey. Jamie and I both breathed a sigh of relief.

"My goodness, Charlotte. You're a natural." Mrs. Forest said. "I'm sure it'll taste wonderful."

"Thank you Mrs. Forest. But I did have some help." I smiled at Jamie and he smiled back.

"Really. Is that so, James?" Mrs. Forest asked Jamie and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"_James?"_ I thought. _"No one calls him James._"

Jamie ignored me and nodded at his mother.

"Well, it looks delicious." Mom put in. "Or it will after five hours in the oven."

"Five hours?!" Jamie exclaimed and we all nodded.

"Do you need anything else Mom?" I asked.

"Not for awhile Char. You can go."

"Okay. Thanks Mom."

I took off the apron and then Jamie followed me up to my room so we could talk. Luckily Dad didn't see us go up the stairs together. I flopped down on the bed and Jamie sprawled on the floor.

"So." Jamie said.

"So." I said with a smile. "Does your mom always call you James?"

"Yep. I don't say anything about it though. She knows people call me Jamie but she still calls me James."

"Which do you like better?"

"Jamie. James makes me feel like an old man."

"Jamie!"

"Well it does."

I sighed and Jamie laughed.

"Guess what I heard on the radio this morning?" Jamie asked me. I rolled over to face Jamie.

"What?"

"That on the Western Front yesterday, Christmas for them, that they called a truce and played soccer in the middle of the trenches."

"What?"

"Yeah. Apparently some men started singing carols and soon they were gathered in what they call no-man's land and were joking and then someone pulled out a soccer ball."

"Wow. And now they're fighting each other again."

"Yeah. They may kill the person they stood next to while playing soccer."

"The reality of war." I said.

"Yeah, it is. But our troops are fighting for a good cause."

It was then that I started to get worried. I had been hoping that Jamie wouldn't enlist but I had a feeling I knew what was coming. I didn't say anything for a few minutes and then Jamie spoke up again.

"Charlotte…I really don't know how to tell you this."

"Then don't." I said sharply. I watched Jamie flinch at the impact of my words and then he sighed.

"You know I don't have a choice Charlotte. On my birthday I'm going to go into Mississauga and joining a regiment."

"But Jamie…" I began but Jamie interrupted me.

"Charlotte…please. You know perfectly well that I can't not go. I'm young and strong and don't have a reason not to go."

"What about me? What about Nick and Sara and Grace? Aren't we good enough reasons? What about your mother, Jamie?" I cried out, facing him now. I was struggling to hold the tears back and one of them slipped down my cheek. Jamie got up off the floor and came and sat next to me on the bed. He wiped the tear away with his thumb.

"Of course you are-all of you are. If I didn't have to go I wouldn't. You know that Charlotte."

"But what if you don't come back, Jamie? What will I do?" I asked, the tears starting to fall more quickly.

"Don't think about that Char. Look, it's Christmas. We can talk about this later."

"I'm going to go with you. To Mississauga."

"Okay." Jamie said softly.

"Does your mom know?"

"Not yet."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know. Charlotte, will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Don't forget me, okay?"

"Oh Jamie. I could never forget you."

Jamie smiled and we sat there on my bed, not saying anything, for over five minutes.

Later that night, Jamie and I went to take a walk to Sara's. Or that's what we told my dad. We really went to the park and after walking around for awhile, Jamie leaned in and kissed me under the twinkling stars.

Charlotte


	5. January 17, 1915

January 17, 1915

Dear Diary,

Today is Jamie's eighteenth birthday. As we had agreed on Christmas day, Nick, Jamie, and I all went into the city of Mississauga. Sara was going to come but she had to work and Grace had a cold. So that left me, Nick, and Jamie. The day started off early, around six o'clock.

There was a light knocking on the door and I went and opened it.

"You ready to go?" Jamie asked.

"Yes. Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thanks." Jamie said, smiling.

I quietly shut the door behind me. I had told Mom about our trip to Mississauga but not Dad. Mom said she would talk to him about it, which was a relief to me. I was positive that Dad wouldn't allow me to travel the two hours to Mississauga alone with two boys, no matter who they were.

Jamie and I walked the three blocks where Nick was behind the wheel of his dad's Ford T Couplet. Jamie climbed up beside him and I got into the backseat. As the time passed, I dosed off but was quickly awakened when the sun rose. I yawned and listened to hear what Jamie and Nick were talking about. They were talking about hockey stats or something. I sat back and took the opportunity to look at Jamie. His dirty blonde hair was now short, in a sort of buzz cut. Jamie laughed at what Nick had said and his blue eyes sparkled. His face was clean shaven and his jaw line was strong. I looked down at his arms and saw the muscle as he held on as we rounded a sharp corner. His hands were capable and strong, with a few bumps and bruises due to working on the farm. I stared at his hands and my mind wandered.

It was those hands that would load and shoot a gun that would kill someone else. It was those arms that would carry his comrades to safety, just like the hero in the story books. I thought of the prayer I had said the night before,

"…_please God, please don't let him be accepted…"_

Thinking about it and looking at his hands, I changed my prayer and started praying then and there. I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

"_Dear God, Lord I know I asked that Jamie not be accepted. Father, I've had a change of heart. I want him to be happy and I know he'll be happy serving others. Let him be accepted and use his time serving to share your word and to save others. But, God, if he has to go, please keep him safe. I don't think I could lose him. Keep him and Nick and all those out there in your tender care. Please God-"_

It was at that point that I heard Jamie say,

"What do you think Charlotte?" and I heard him turn to look at me. He must've seen me with my eyes closed and then nudged Nick, who also turned around.

"She's cute when she's sleeping." Nick commented. It was then that I opened my eyes.

"I wasn't asleep. I was praying." I told them, ignoring Nick's comment. I did notice, however, that Nick was turning a nice shade of red.

"Praying for what?" Jamie asked.

"Safety." Was all I said but Jamie knew what I had meant. Jamie turned around and there were a few moments of silence.

"Have you told you mother, Jamie?" I asked, breaking the stony silence.

"Yes. She supports what I'm doing, but she wants me to come home alive and in one piece, more or less."

"More or less." I repeated. We sat there for a few more moments in silence and then I thought of something else to say.

"I can't believe I forgot. I meant to ask you. Jamie, how are you feeling?"

Jamie had come into the doctor's office where I work a few days earlier with a nasty cough, accompanied by fever and congestion. I hadn't seen him since but from the looks and sounds of it, Jamie had recovered just fine.

"Fine. Dr. what's his name gave me this awful tasting crap but it sure worked."

"Dr. Kingly."

"Right."

"Well, that's good. How long do you think you'll have to wait today at the enlistment office?" I asked.

"I don't know. Could be up to six hours or more." Nick said.

"Well, in that case, I'm not going to wait around the whole time with you. I've got to pick up some stuff for Abby and Mom."

"Fine. I'm not sure they'll allow you in anyways."

I didn't say anything and the rest of the ride was made in silence and soon we pulled up to the recruitment office, a store on main street in downtown Mississauga.

"Well, this is it." Nick said, parking the car.

"Here we go." Jamie said getting out. I got out and stretched my legs. I took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. I knew that Jamie did not want me to cry and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

"Okay. I'll come back in about an hour and see how it's going." I said.

"Okay. See you Char. Be careful." Jamie said as I walked away. I turned quickly, biting my lip and walked away, clutching my purse. I stopped as soon as the building front was out of view and took a few deep breaths. After I had composed myself, I went into the nearest store. I got what I needed for Mom and Abby and I found some new combs for Elizabeth and a new skirt for myself. Then I went into a book store and came out with the perfect present for Jamie. I had gotten him three things-a cross on a rough rope, a small pocket Bible, and then his favourite book, Treasure Island. I knew that his copy of the book was almost apart because he read it so much. I put these things into the canvas bag I had brought along and then walked back to the recruitment office. I went to the door where a uniformed man was standing.

"May I help you?" the man asked, his eyes kind despite his harsh face.

"Maybe. I mean, my two friends came here about an hour ago and I just wondered how much longer they might be?"

"What are their names?"

"James Forest and Nicholas Stein."

"One moment please and I'll find out."

I waited outside and a minute later he came back.

"They've just completed the paper work. They have the medical exam and the physiological exam and then they'll have to sign some more papers."

"How long will it take?"

"About 3 hours."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I walked away, wondering what to do now. I went over to the Ford and put my bag in the back seat and then shut the door. I walked away from the car and then noticed a small park in the corner of the area, about half a mile away. I walked there, hugging myself in an attempt to keep the cold out of my jacket.

When I reached the park, I sat down on a swing and began to cry. All the feelings of the fact that this was real started to bubble up, along with the fears and concerns I felt. What would I do if my best friend ended up getting killed or hurt? What would I do without my best friend there for me when I was ready to pull my hair out because of my job? He was the one I could always count on to make me smile, make me laugh, make me, well, act like _me._ I didn't know what to do so I just cried. I let the tears fall freely and openly, making a well-worn path down my cheek. I didn't think about time, work, or anything. In fact, I jumped and almost fell out of the swing when someone asked,

"Are you okay?"

I turned to see a young woman, maybe twenty five years old, holding a baby close to her chest and her blonde hair blowing freely in the wind.

"Yeah. I mean, I will be."

The young woman smiled sympathetically and sat down on the swing beside me.

"You have someone enlisting, don't you?" she asked softly. I looked up at her. Her eyes were gentle and compassionate.

"Yeah. My best friend." I said, another tear escaping and rolling down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.

"I understand how you feel. It's okay to cry; you don't have to ashamed of it."

"What about you? Do you have anyone enlisting?"

"Yes. My husband."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you." she said and then continued. "But, honestly, it's okay to afraid. It's okay to cry."

"I know. It's so difficult because Jamie-my friend-wants this so badly and I feel as though I should support him but I'm so scared for him."

"I know. Daniel, my husband, wants to serve so badly, and now that our baby is a couple months old, he's been antsy to enlist. I'm terrified at the thought of Jacob here growing up without his daddy. I don't know what I'll do, except pray."

"Gives a new meaning to 'going on a hope and a prayer'."

"It does. But all we can do is trust that the Lord will protect them and keep them from harm."

"My father has always told me that the Lord has a plan for my life, a plan that will prosper me and not harm me-"

"A plan that will give you a hope and a future." the woman finished the verse.

"Right." I said, smiling.

"Jeremiah 29:11. It's what Daniel and I were married to." the woman smiled.

"That's beautiful." I said.

"Thank you. My name is Eve, by the way."

"Charlotte."

"What a beautiful name."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. So this Jamie, are you engaged to him?"

"No. But can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course you can." Eve's eyes grew big and bright. The way they sparkled reminded me a lot about Jamie's eyes.

"Whenever people ask me who I'm going to marry, I always think of Jamie."

"Does Jamie feel the same way?"

"I don't know."

"Well, that certainly makes things interesting."

"It makes things complicated, that's for sure."

"Well, I'll defiantly keep you and Jamie in my prayers."

"Thank you. What about you and Daniel? How long have you been married?"

"About two years now."

"Wow. You two must be so happy."

"We are. Jacob completes our family." Eve looked down at the baby and smiled.

I was going to say something but I heard someone call my name. I stood up and turned and saw Jamie running towards me.

"Hi." I said once he reached us. "You all done?"

"Yeah. Both Nick and I were accepted." Jamie smiled broadly.

"Congratulations!" I said with false enthusiasm, giving Jamie a hug.

"You ready to leave?"

"Yes."

I turned to Eve, who had also stood up. I introduced Jamie and Eve and together we walked back to the parking lot.

"We should write to each other." I said. "That is, if you're okay with it."

"That would be wonderful."

Eve and I exchanged addresses and then we hugged good-bye. I waved to her as Nick drove away from the recruitment office.

I know that Eve and I will become great friends. It's so great to find someone who's not family that understands what I'm going through. I'll write more of the details about the deployment of Jamie and Nick soon, but it's been a long day and I'm really tired.

More later,

Charlotte

PS-Dad didn't say anything when I walked in today so I don't know if that means he's mad at me, he's not mad at me, or worse, he doesn't know!


	6. February 14, 1915

Dear Diary, February 14, 1915

Tonight was possibly the best night _ever_. As you probably know, it's Valentines Day. Dad doesn't really approve of the holiday but I still like to celebrate it when I can. I had just closed the doctor's office (by the way, the office was decorated in red and white hearts and streamers) and was about to leave when there was a knock at the door. Normally I don't answer the door after I've locked it because the few times I have, I've ended up having to assist Dr. Kingly because the nurse on duty, either Samantha or Helen, had already left. I ignored the knock and got my coat and bag together and was about to go out the back door when the knock became more urgent and I heard someone cough on the other side of the door. My instinct told me I'd better answer the door so I walked over a looked through the window. Low and behold, there stood Jamie, his hand wrapped in a towel. I think I gasped, I'm not quite sure. I quickly undid the door and let him in.

"Jamie, what happened?" I asked, locking the door again. I turned to look at him and he smiled sheepishly back at me.

"I'm not sure. I was working on the farm and when I looked down and my hand was covered in blood."

"Well, sit down and I'll look at it. Dr. Kingly has already left but I can call him if I need to."

I led Jamie to a chair and slowly unwrapped the towel from his hand. Jamie flinched as I unwound the layers.

"Sorry." I said.

"It's okay." Jamie said, not making eye contact with me. I finished unwrapping the towel and saw Jamie's clenched hand, which looked perfectly fine to me. He uncurled his fingers and revealed a small heart-shaped locket on a silver chain. I looked at him and he was smiling at me.

"Happy Valentines Day, Char." he said.

"Jamie!" I cried delightedly. I lifted the necklace from his hand and looked at it.

"It's beautiful." I said. "Thank you Jamie."

"You're welcome." Jamie said standing up. He took the locket from me and put it on and then gently lifted my curls out of the chain. I felt my neck and the necklace fell in perfect position, resting just above the cross from my parents. I turned around to face Jamie. He pulled me into a hug and then kissed me.

"Shall we go for a walk?" he asked. "I have a picnic waiting."

"A picnic?" I asked. "It's nearly minus fifteen degrees outside."

"You don't worry about that." Jamie said, handing me my coat. I smiled, not sure what Jamie was up to, and checked to make sure the front door was locked. Jamie took my hand and we went out the back door. As I was locking the back door, a blindfold came over my eyes.

"Hey!" I cried, struggling to get the blindfold off.

"Jamie! What are you doing?" I asked.

"Nothing Char. Just calm down."

I felt Jamie take the key from my hand; he checked to make sure the door was securely locked and then took my hand. He led me to Nick's car which was waiting and helped me up. He closed the door and then we started moving. I don't know how long we drove for but eventually the car stopped and Jamie helped me out again. He led me down a bumpy path and then into a warm building.

"Here we are!" Jamie said, undoing the blindfold. I looked around, my eyes adjusting to the light. I recognized the building to be the little cottage that sits by the creek. The building, as far as I knew, had been empty for years. Even so, Jamie had a fire going in the big stone fireplace and a table was set for two and a picnic basket was resting on it.

"Oh Jamie!" I cried. Jamie smiled at me and then helped me out of my coat. We sat down and began to eat dinner.

"Who lives here?" I asked, about halfway through the meal.

"No one does. It's abandoned."

"And you fixed it up?" I asked.

"Well, Nick, Sara, and Grace helped me."

"That's so sweet." I said.

"I'm glad you like it." Jamie said smiling. "I wanted to make this Valentines Day special." Jamie didn't say it, but I know we were both thinking that this could be our last Valentines Day together and that was the reason Jamie had wanted to make it special.

"Don't say that. We're going to have other Valentines Days."

"Just in case we don't Char. I want you to remember this one."

"Jamie, please. Don't talk like that. There'll be plenty of time to think like that."

"Just not tonight." Jamie finished my thought.

"Right."

"Okay." Jamie said. "So."

"So." I responded. "What were you going to do if I didn't answer the door at the doctor's office?"

"Nothing. You wouldn't have gotten out of the office until you answered the door."

"What?"

"Nick was blocking the back door. You wouldn't have been able to leave from the back door so that left you opening the front door."

"You locked me in the doctor's office?"

"More or less."

"Jamie!" I cried, laughing.

"What? You didn't even know you were locked in!" Jamie was also laughing.

"True."

"Do my parents know where I am?" I asked suddenly.

"They think you're at Sara's house for dinner."

"Oh good. Dad would be furious if he ever found out. But he won't." I added, noting the look of fear that flashed on Jamie's face.

Eventually, we finished eating. After dinner, we danced on the wood floor to the sounds of the fire crackling and wind blowing.

"Jamie?" I asked, my head resting on my shoulder.

"What?"

"Please come back."

"I'll do my best Charlotte."

"Okay."

We danced for a few more minutes and then we pack up the food and put out the fire. Nick was waiting for us and drove me home. Before I got out the car, Jamie leaned in and kissed me.

"Good-night Charlotte. Happy Valentines Day."

"Thank you Jamie, for everything. It was perfect. Good-night."

I got out of the car and walked to the kitchen door. I found my mom sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and reading the paper.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked as I kicked off my boots.

"Yes."

"That's good. Was Grace there?"

"Yes." I lied. "Nick and Jamie too."

Mom turned to look at me and I felt uncomfortable under her stare.

"Where'd you get that?" she asked.

"What?"

"The necklace."

"Oh, um…" I tried to think of an excuse and I felt my face flush.

"Jamie gave it to you, didn't he?" Mom asked gently.

"Yes." I hung my head.

"It's okay, Charlotte. Just don't let your father see it."

"Thank you Mom."

"You're welcome. Now you'd better get on upstairs and to bed. It's late."

"Okay. Good-night Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

Tonight was absolutely perfect! In a way, I'm glad Jamie was thinking the way he did because if something does happen to him, I'll always have this memory to look back on. But the thought that I might lose my best friend still scares me but I won't let them ruin the evening. I've been thinking about Eve lately. I wonder what she and Daniel did for Valentines Day. I'll have to send her a letter soon.

Good night and happy Valentines Day.

Charlotte


	7. April 11, 1915

Dear Diary,April 11, 1915

Today I received a letter from Eve. I had sent her a letter telling her about my Valentines date with Jamie and my current feelings on the situation. She has some very helpfully things to say and they brought a smile to my face…

Dear Charlotte,

I was thrilled to get your letter in the mail. Your date on Valentines Day sounds incredible. Daniel proposed to me on Valentines Day. Jamie sounds like a charming boy and I'm sure you're grateful to have him. In your letter, you mentioned how Jamie talked about the Valentines Day being his last one. It's a scary feeling to think about losing someone who means a lot to you. But there are a couple of things that often help me when I'm faced with thinking like that. The first is that God knows what he's doing. God has a plan for you and for Jamie and if it means taking Jamie, then that's what is it. I know it's hard to feel like that's sufficient, but it's the truth. The second is that you and Jamie have these times to look back on. Jamie told you that in case he doesn't come back, you'd have this good time to remember. Charlotte, I know this is hard to understand, but Jamie has a valid point. The best thing after living something is remembering it. You will never forget that night you had with Jamie and that's what he wanted for you. He wanted you to be able to look back and smile at the memory, regardless of how the story may end.

To answer your question, Daniel was accepted to the army. He's quite ecstatic about it. It's hard for me to feel so sad about it when he's so happy about it. I want what's best for him and sometimes I find I need to put aside my feelings, regardless of the fact that they do make up a part of the decisions of our family. Daniel knows that I'm scared and sad, and he sympathizes. But I have told him many times that I want him to be happy and, of course, that I support him in what he's doing. Have you ever told that to Jamie? It's an enormous burden to carry all by yourself and sharing it with him may help you feel better but also help Jamie understand what it's like for you.

I hope all of this helps in the coming weeks and please let me know how it turns out! I'm keeping you in my prayers and I thank you for the prayers you are showering on us.

Love,

Eve

I had decided to follow Eve's advice about telling Jamie my thoughts and feelings. I knew that Jamie needed to hear what I had to say. I also knew it was going to be hard to tell him this and even harder not to cry while doing it. I asked Jamie to come to the clinic around five o'clock (we close at five) so that we could talk. I don't know why I chose the clinic, but that's where we ended up meeting.

Jamie had come in around five minutes to five. He sat down in one of the hard, plastic chairs and sat patiently, watching me as I tried to get the last patients out of the office. When they were finally all out and Dr. Kingly and Helen had left, I locked the door and went over to Jamie and sat on the couch across from him. He smiled at me, but his eyes were full of concern.

"So."

"So."

"What did you want talk about Charlotte? Are you okay?" Jamie got right to the point.

I took a deep breath, willing myself once again that I would not cry.

"Do you remember the woman I was talking to in Mississauga, Jamie?"

"Eve, right?"

"Right. Well, I got a letter from her today and she made a suggestion."

"And what is that?"

"Tell you how I really feel about you enlisting."

Jamie leaned forward and was resting his elbows on his knees.

"I'm listening." His voice was soft and gentle. I couldn't look into his eyes so I starred at the floor and started talking.

"Okay. Jamie, I'm so glad you're doing what makes you happy. I know you really want to join the army and do your part to help the country. But I'm really scared. What happens if you get killed, Jamie? I don't know if I can live like that. I don't want you to go and I'm sad that you are, but I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to feel guilty about going or anything like that." I stopped to catch my breath and dared to look at Jamie. To my surprise, his eyes were filled with tears.

"Charlotte…" Jamie paused for a second. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea you felt this way. I really didn't."

A tear slid down his cheek and that put me over the edge. My eyes overflowed and tears started running down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Jamie. I don't want to feel this way and I try to be supportive but I just can't help it. I don't want to lose you."

Jamie moved over to the couch were I was and put his arm around me.

"I know, Charlotte. I know you support what I'm doing. And I think its okay for you to be scared. I'm scared."

"You are?"

"Sure I am. I'm going to be going to a place that's filled with war and fighting and violence. A place where people are dying. A place where I might die. It's okay to be scared, Char. The important thing is to live knowing that God will be there for you and he'll be with you, here in Mississauga, and with me in France."

"I know. I really do support what you're doing, Jamie. I'm proud of you."

"I know. And I'm glad you told me how you really feel about it. I had never considered how this would be affecting you, I mean, I knew you were sad, but I didn't think about all of this other stuff. I'll do my best to try and be here for you to talk to. We can talk whenever you need to, Charlotte. Just say the word."

"Thank you Jamie."

"Thank you Charlotte."

Jamie and I sat on the couch for several minutes, wrapped in silence. After awhile, we quietly said good-bye and left.

I'm laying here, on my bed and in my nightgown, and I have tears streaming down my face. I don't feel much better but I'm glad Jamie knows know. But how can this be so hard? I've never thought that this would be going through my mind. I thought I was okay with Jamie going off to war, serving others. I just don't know where to turn. You know, I'm laying here and I'm thinking and praying.

_God, it's me—Charlotte. God, you know what I'm going through and I know you're counting every tear I've cried. This may seem silly, but I know you've written on the wall once before. Well, God, I'm staring at a blank wall, so if you feel inclined God…that'd be great._

I just spent two minutes staring at the blank wall in my bedroom. And suddenly, God wrote on the wall. Okay, I know he didn't exactly write with ink or anything, but I know exactly what he said: trust.

_Okay God. I'll trust you._

Charlotte


End file.
